An Absorbent Christmas

An Absorbent Christmas is the sixth episode of the Absorbent Days series, the sixth episode of season one, and the first special of both the spin-off and season one. Everyone in Bikini Bottom receives a present from Bikini Bottom, yet it continues to turn into sea rock. Yet, SpongeBob is bursting with Christmas excitement. He receives presents every year from his mother and father, which he recalls in his scrapbook. He opens every present, including one from Gary. The final present was lying there, and it said it was sent from Santa Swordfish, the jolliest, happiest fish in the Pacific Northwest Pole who gives presents to all of the good fish in the sea. The present was not what SpongeBob expected, for it was a lump of sea rock. SpongeBob is saddened, for he thought he was being a good sea sponge. SpongeBob sees a mob begin to start in Bikini Bottom over them getting sea rock, yet he knows that this is not right. He later receives a letter from Santa himself, calling for help. SpongeBob must travel to the Pacific Northwest Pole to save Santa, yet can he save Santa and stop the mob?

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Eugene H. Krabs
 * Sheldon J. Plankton
 * Miscellaneous Bikini Bottomites
 * Sandy Cheeks (debut)
 * Monster (debut)
 * Mary T. Sluggerson (debut)

Transcript

 * [episode starts at Squidward's houe trying to practice his clarinet, yet failing]
 * Squidward: [sighs] This clarinet's faulty! I don't even want to waste another breath in this wooden piece of junk! [throws clarinet out of window] Well, back to the flute it is.[hears knock on door] Who would be out of their house on Christmas morning?
 * [scene cuts to Squidward opening his front door, unveiling a package]
 * Squidward: What object does this box contain? [opens package] Is this what I think it is? An 1884 Seatrain authenticated Jewelbox clarinet? These are extremely rare and expensive! [looks down and sees note] What's this?
 * Narrator: [reads note] I knew your clarinet was deemed the worst, and overheard you swear and curse. But I hope your troubles are washed away with this authentic clarinet by Jewelbox Bay.
 * Squidward: Sincerely, Santa Swordfish?! The jolly fish that delivers presents to all the good fish in the sea? Thank you, Santa! [rushes up stairs with clarinet to the bedroom]
 * [Squidward turns sheet music to random song and begins to play with a beautiful tone]
 * Squidward: [stops playing] Oh, this sound is divine! [resumes playing]
 * [Squidward stops playing when a flash occurs]
 * Squidward: What was that? [clarinet turns to rock and falls to ground] And why did my clarinet turn to sea rock?! Why, Henry?! [grabs pitchfork] Time to gather the riot. All these years, I've received gifts from Santa. And now he's turned on me! But no longer!
 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krab flipping a quarter with his claw]
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, quarter. Do you know what you remind me of? Money, and do you know what money reminds me of? Christmas, and do you know what Christmas reminds me of?
 * SpongeBob: Order up, Mr. Krabs. [hands Mr. Krabs plate which he gives to a customer]
 * Male Fish 1: Thank you, Krabs. You know, if I did not know any better, I'd say you raised your price for the Krabby Patty by thirty dollars.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh no, the zero is put there for advertisement, so burglars will pay full price when they steal something. And that means you can stop a burglar by paying full price.
 * Male Fish 1: Ah, that makes perfect sense!
 * Mr. Krabs: But why stop one burglar, when you can stop one burglar for the price of two?
 * Male Fish 1: Good deal! [gives Mr. Krabs cash money]
 * Mr. Krabs: Sucker. [chuckles] Christmas. Oh Christmas reminds me of...more money. [flips through bill and begins to sniff] Is that what I think I smell? [runs to source of smell] It is! It's a vintage one billion dollar bill of 1787! These are worth a fortune! [blinded by flash] Strange.
 * SpongeBob: What's that there, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: A vintage one billion dollar bill!
 * SpongeBob: You may want to take a closer look there, sir.
 * Mr. Krabs: [looks closer] Negative one billion dollars?! [picks up note and reads it] Merry Christmas, Santa Swordfish. Why that coniving...!
 * SpongeBob: Calm down, Mr. Krabs. Those don't even exist anymore, or even back then.
 * Mr. Krabs: It's not just that, boy-o. Look!
 * [SpongeBob looks at pieces of sea rock on ground]
 * SpongeBob: Something strange is going on here indeed, Mr. Krabs. But this is the holidays. Perk and up and spread some Christmas cheer. See you tomorrow, Mr. Krabs. [rushes out galloping of Krusty Krab]
 * Mr. Krabs: Fine, I'll give something alright. Santa's going to get what he deserves. [takes pitchfork from wall and heads out of Krusty Krab]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob is happily opening presents]
 * SpongeBob: Christmas, the best time of year. The time where fish get presents and families get to come together and just talk about how cheery this time of year is. Isn't that right Gary?
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Don't be sarcastic, Gary. Today is a day for cheerfulness. [pulls up present] Oh look, a present from ma and pop. [looks out window to Patrick's house] Thank you, mom! Thank you dad! [closes window]
 * Gary: [pulls up present and opens it] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: What's that Gary?
 * Gary: [begins to chew on a chew toy] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: A chew toy? I don't remember buying that for you, Gary. [picks up name tag and reads aloud] From Mary T. Sluggerson. Who's this Gary?
 * Gary: Meow meow meow. [slugs away]
 * SpongeBob: What do you mean I'm interferring with your personal relationships? I demand to know who this is this minute. [comes across a present] Who's this present from? [reads name tag aloud] From Santa Swordfish, the jolly fish that brings toys to all the good fish in the sea? Let's see what he got me! [opens present]
 * Gary: Meow?
 * SpongeBob: You ask what this is, Gary? I'll tell you what it is. It's a platinum silver, perfectly aligned, right angled, left handed spatula, expertly handcrafted by the finest cutlerly company in all the five oceans. I never want to this is to fall from my hands. [spatula turns to sea rock and falls to floor] Well, that was ironic.
 * Patrick: [knocks on door]
 * SpongeBob: Coming! [runs downstairs and listens to knocking pattern] Come on in Patrick.
 * [Patrick enters]
 * Patrick: I am outraged, SpongeBob. Do you hear me? Outraged!
 * SpongeBob: Why ever so?
 * Patrick: There I was, opening gifts from blah blah and yada yada yada, when all of a sudden, I come across a present from Santa Swordfish. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was better than all of the furniture in my house combined.
 * Gary: Meow meow meow.
 * Patrick: Oh hey, Gare...uh...something. How's Christmas?
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: You guys can catch up later. What was so good, Patrick?
 * Patrick: A...reclining chair with an adjustable lever.
 * SpongeBob: [in shock] No.
 * Patrick: Yeah, but just before I was about to lay my...
 * Gary: Meow.
 * Patrick: Sorry, just as I was about to sit on it, poof, it turned into sea rock.
 * SpongeBob: Really? That's the same thing that happened to my new spatula.
 * Patrick: I thought we were all being good fish this year. And I thought I was being exceptionallly good, for I'm a starfish.
 * SpongeBob: And I thought I was being a good sea sponge. But I guess not. [hears sound] Hey, Patrick, do you hear that?
 * Patrick: I don't know. My ears have been long gone.
 * Gary: Meow. [points to window]
 * SpongeBob: An angry mob? What angry mob? [looks out window along with Patrick] Let's see what all of the fuss is about. [rushes outside with Gary and Patrick]
 * Squidward: [holds torch] Out of the way, SpongeBob. Can't you see we're trying to start a riot?
 * SpongeBob: A riot for what?
 * Male Fish 2: Against Santa. All he gave us was coal this year that we didn't deserve.
 * SpongeBob: [to self] Everyone else too. [aloud] Can't we settle this in a non-violent and calm way?
 * Mr. Krabs: The time for that is over now, boy. Now is the time for action. Santa's going to get his just desserts for what he's done to us.
 * SpongeBob: But...[Gary, Patrick, and himself are lifted by riot] What are you going to with us?
 * Squidward: Keeping you from getting in our way. [throws SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary into a tall coral tree]
 * SpongeBob: Oh come on guys. Can't we work this out?
 * [riot walks past tree toward the north]
 * Patrick: Where do you think they're headed, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know for sure, but I think they're headed to the Pacific Northwest Pole. Come on, let's follow them there.
 * Patrick: But, how do we stop the mob?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know, and I can't tell you until I know why Santa gave us all this sea rock. [note blows onto SpongeBob's head] What's this?
 * Narrator: [reads note] Help me, please. No time to waste. I was captured by a sleaze, and trapped in a paste. So I say to you, SpongeBob, help me please. Travel to the Pacific Northwest Pole, and stop spending time stuck in those trees.
 * SpongeBob: How did he know that last part?
 * Patrick: We don't have time for that, we have to get to the Pacific...thingy.
 * SpongeBob: You're right, except we don't know how to get there, and the only way to find out is to follow that mob.
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: That idea sounds crazy enough to...to just work! Let's get to work, people.
 * [scene cuts to the mob]
 * Female Fish 1: Do you guys even know where Santa's workshop is?
 * Squidward: We'll find it! Thanks to Sandy's tracker, we'll find Santa in no time.
 * Male Fish 1: But what's the gurantee that it'll find...
 * Sandy: This device was made to find any magical output within a five mile radius. I'm pretty sure that will be Santa's workshop.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, look up in the sea.
 * Squidward: It's a piece of sea rock.
 * Sandy: No, it's...wait, he's right.
 * [the sea rock falls in front of the mob]
 * Male Fish 3: Where did that come from?
 * SpongeBob: Back here.
 * Mr. Krabs: So, you were the ones that handing out the sea rock?
 * SpongeBob: [hatches idea] Uh...yes. And now we're here to stop you. Ready, Patrick?
 * Patrick: Ready.
 * SpongeBob: Are you ready, Gary?
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: What do you mean you don't want to participate? Whatever. Start it up.
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick begin to pelt sea rock around the mob, trapping them in a rock cage]
 * SpongeBob: Now, to the Pacific Northwest Pole, Patrick. But, where is it?
 * Sandy: Ha! I have the Santa Tracker with me right now, and you two won't get it because you trapped us. How do like that?
 * SpongeBob: Oh great. Now what do we do, Patrick?
 * Patrick: Looks like we have to find the Northwest Pole ourselves.
 * Gary: Meow meow. [use snail slime to slide through rock and grabs Sandy's remote without anyone seeing or knowing]
 * SpongeBob: Great job, Gary. We'll get there in no time.
 * [SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick trek through the snow]
 * [scene cuts to a laboratory where an anonymous fish is looking at SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary traveling through the snow]
 * Voice: Such brave fish. Putting everything on the line just to save their beloved Santa Swordifsh. Well their too late, for I've already captured him.
 * [camera pans to show Santa in a ball, obviously sucking the energy right from him]
 * Voice: Soon, all of the Christmas power will be mine, and I'll be able to rule all of Bikini Bottom once and for all. [begins to evilly laugh and then looks at the screen displaying SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary] Hmm, they don't appear to be perishing in the cold yet. But no matter, because if the cold won't get to them, then maybe this will. [presses button]
 * [scene cuts back to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary]
 * SpongeBob: Don't worry, Santa. We'll be there in no time.
 * Patrick: I don't think anytime soon with this earthquake.
 * Gary: Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Earthquake?
 * [camera cuts to a large figure, appearing to have white fur and ape-like hands]
 * Patrick: What in the ocean is that thing? I haven't seen something so horrible since...well...when the kelp store ran out of ice cream. Oh, the riot was terrible.
 * SpongeBob: I thought you said it was a kelp store.
 * Monster: [interrupts with roar] Quit your constant bickering. It'll ruin my destroying you. Let's get this over with. I have to get payed from a single cell, and I don't want to waste my time having to speak to you three...[looks at empty footsteps] Just great.
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, carrying Gary, running with Patrick away from the monster]
 * SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick. I think we lost the monster but don't lose speed yet.
 * Patrick: I wouldn't say we lost him yet, SpongeBob.
 * [Monster is seen leaping over the two and landing in front of them]
 * SpongeBob: [gasps and looks at mountain peak in the distance]
 * Monster: Now that I got you two right where I want you, I can't wait to get this over with.
 * SpongeBob: Wrong, monster. It's three of us, yet you have to catch one of us first. [throws Gary onto mountain]
 * Gary: Meow? [looks at SpongeBob worried]
 * SpongeBob: Trust me, Gary.
 * Gary: [nods head and heads up mountain quickly]
 * Monster: Oh no you don't, snail. [hops up mountain toward Gary, continuously shaking the mountain]
 * [Monster leaps and lands right in front of Gary]
 * Monster: I got you now, snail. [reaches for Gary yet it stopped by rumbling sound] Huh? [looks back to see a large avalanche trample down the mountain]
 * Gary: [in fear] Meow! [starts to rush down mountain]
 * Patrick: Just a little further, Gary.
 * Gary: Meow. [looks behind and sees avalanche approaching] [begins to leap from mountain from the approaching avalanche] Meow! [lands in SpongeBob's hands, yet SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary are trampled by the avalanche]
 * Monster: [looks in disbelief at the trampling of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Gary] Yes! They're gone, and I didn't even have to do anything. And the best part, I get payed! [stops triumph when he sees the snow begin to travel to a certain spot] What?
 * [camera shows SpongeBob absorbing all of the snow]
 * Monster: But, how?
 * SpongeBob: Three words, big guy: I'm a sponge. [sprays a pile of snow toward the monster, only for him to dodge it] [continues squirting snow at the monster, driivng him away]
 * Patrick: Hooray, SpongeBob! You drove the monster away.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, I did. Well, we're not going to save Santa standing here. Back to the road, gang.
 * Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob. I hate to be the one to put a damper on things, but, where is the road? Exactly?
 * SpongeBob: Uh...[looks at all of the snow in front of the path] Well, let's look at the tracker, shall we. [pulls out tracker] Well, it appears that we are only..."System Failure" miles away? But how? [looks at goo on hand] Aw. The snail goo Gary put on it when he was getting the remote from Sandy broke the remote. Now what do we do?
 * Patrick: I guess we just have to go where ever the...uh...road takes us. Where ever it is.
 * SpongeBob: Maybe I can just absorb the snow again. [absorbs snow and shoots it to an undetermined place again] There we go guys.
 * [SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick begin to walk across the road]
 * Patrick: You really got the snow out of the way, SpongeBob. The road's as clear as the ground under it.
 * Gary: Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Why thank you, Patrick. Wait a minute! Clear road. [looks down] This is no road. It's a bed of...[gang falls through ice] ICE!!!!
 * [SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick land on a solid ground]
 * Patrick: Where are we? I can't see in here. It's too dark.
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, it can't be that bad. I mean, this could just be a shortcut to the Northwest Pole. All we have to do is head that way.
 * Patrick: SpongeBob, if you're pointing at all, I can't see it. It's still too dark in here.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, however are we going to see now? Wait a minute! [takes out remote] Even though it's not working, we can still use its light to guide us through the tunnel. Well, at least I think its a tunnel. I can't see it yet.
 * Patrick: Well, then turn it on!
 * SpongeBob: Okay okay. [turns on remote] Now I can see it. Now let's see what we're dealing with here. Icicles, teeth, little rocks, and a large gaping hole.
 * Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob. I may not be an expert in...whatever it is you're doing here. But I pretty sure there are no teeth in a tunnel. And I don't think these are rocks. I think these are taste buds, on a tongue. And that may be a gaping hole, but I think that's the...[tongue throws SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick into gaping hole] THROAT!!!!
 * SpongeBob: Everyone grab on to something.
 * [Everyone grabs on to something]
 * Gary: Meow meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: I have to let go of the remote? Are you crazy?
 * Patrick: No, SpongeBob, he's right. Look!
 * SpongeBob: [looks at hand and sees it is slipping] But this remote is our only chance of getting to the Northwest Pole. [looks at slipping hand and then the remote; takes deep breath] I know what I must do. [lets go of remote and allows free hand to grab onto the same flap of throat skin]
 * Patrick: Now how de we get out of here?
 * SpongeBob: Uh...
 * Gary: Meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: What's that Gary? You see something that might help? '[looks up] Of course, the uvula. We just have to hit it until...well, whatever we're in regurgitates us. Now if I can just...[climbs onto flab of throat skin but nearly slips]
 * Patrick: Be careful, SpongeBob. [hops onto a flab of throat skin and tries to climb as well]
 * Gary: Meow meow. [slithers up neck without problem]
 * SpongeBob: Gary, lend us your eye stalks.
 * [Gary lengthens his eye stalks so Patrick and SpongeBob can climb up them]
 * SpongeBob: Good job, Gary. We'll be up in no time.
 * [Gary contracts eye stalks, bringing SpongeBob and Patrick up]
 * Gary: Meow.
 * Patrick: Just hang in there, Gary.
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick make it to the top of the tongue again]
 * SpongeBob: Now to get out of here. [thumps uvula yet nothing happens]
 * Patrick: Oh come on, SpongeBob. Man up! [punches uvula, causing the animal to regurgitate them along with miscellaneous substances]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, yuck. What is this stuff we're in?
 * Patrick: Who cares. At least we're not a part of it. And look what else he coughed up. [holds up remote]
 * SpongeBob: Hooray, Patrick. [looks at animal that coughed them up] Uh, Patrick. Who's that [gulps] gentleman behind you.
 * [Patrick looks behind him and shines the remote light at the animal behind himself]
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: Wh...wh...wh...WHALE!
 * Gary: [in fear] Meow.
 * [camera reveals a whale overlooking SpongeBob and Patrick]
 * Whale: What are you two doing down here? State your business.
 * SpongeBob: I am SpongeBob SquarePants of Bikini Bottom. This is my friend, Patrick.
 * Patrick: Hi.
 * SpongeBob: And my pet snail, Gary.
 * Gary: [in surprise] Meow.
 * Whale: Why, if it isn't the very snail, Gareth Slitherman.
 * SpongeBob: How do you know his name?
 * Whale: Because I am Mary T. Sluggerson.
 * SpongeBob: So you were the...um...animal that sent Gary that chew toy?
 * Mary: Yep, and I know a way out of this ice cave as well.
 * SpongeBob: Ice cave? What ice cave?
 * Patrick: Never mind the ice cave. We can use Gary's chew toy to try and signal somebody for help.
 * SpongeBob: Can't hurt to try. Gary, get out your chew toy.
 * Gary: Meow. [pulls out chew toy and bites on chew toy]
 * [The sound carries throughout the ice cave, and soon the vibrations travel through the land]
 * [scene cuts to sea rock wall, encasing the mob]
 * Squidward: We have to get out of here somehow. Now let's think. How could two barnacle brains construct a strike-proof wall resistant to everyone's attacks?
 * [everyone thinks]
 * Squidward: You simpletons! Two barnacle brains that construct a wall can't have made it resistant to every thing. There must be some sort of weakness. [thinks]
 * Male Fish 4: Hey, do you hear something? [sound vibrations soon knock down the sea rock wall]
 * Squidward: We're free!
 * [everyone cheers]
 * Squidward: [stands on block of sea rock] Now onward, to the Pacific Northwest Pole! [marches yet is stopped by approaching monster]
 * Monster: All of you fish wouldn't survive three minutes alone in the snow. You can surely survive, though, with some help from a giant monster like me. [grabs sea rock and places it in fur and the mob hops on the back of the monster]
 * [scene cuts back to SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary, and Mary, trapped under a large pile of snow]
 * Mary: Don't worry. I got this. [blows snow away with water from her spout] Hop on my back, gang. Onward to the Northwest Pole. [gang hops on Mary's back; Mary turns upside down and uses water to raise herself out of the hole and onto the surface]
 * [Patrick, SpongeBob, and Gary inflate themselves again from their crushed forms]
 * Gary: Meow. [shell cracks]
 * [Mary begins to use her tail to tread through the snow quickly]
 * [camera pans to show the Monster with the mob on his back looking from a distance at Mary and the rest of the gang]
 * Monster: Yes, tread that snow, whale. But this isn't the last round. [leaps from hill]
 * Mary: There it is, boys. Santa's workshop is just ahead.
 * SpongeBob: I can confirm that. The water washed out the snail goo and now the remote's working again. Santa's workshop is only a quarter of a mile away.
 * Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, what is that red circle circling that...um...thing-a-ma-jig.
 * SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. What do you think it is, Gary?
 * Gary: [shaking in fear] Meow.
 * Patrick: SpongeBob, I'm not the best when it comes to shape-ology, but I think that circle we saw was a pack of...
 * Mary: POLAR BEARS!!! [stops herself speedily] What are polar bears doing here?
 * SpongeBob: Probably guarding that chamber up ahead.
 * [camera reveals a chamber between the polar bears]
 * Patrick: SpongeBob, look at that! [points to ball]
 * SpongeBob: But what's that thing inside. It looks like...[squints]
 * Gary: Meow meow?
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, a bunch of lightning bolts, but what is it sucking the energy out of? It looks like...SANTA!!!
 * Patrick: Hooray!
 * Everyone Else: Hooray?!
 * Patrick: Yeah, because Santa got me what I wanted for Christmas: a moving picture with all of us on it.
 * SpongeBob: Wait a minute...moving picture?!
 * Anonymous Person: Congratulations, SpongeBrain. You've figured out my secret plan. And now, I saw to you...[press button] have a rockin' time.
 * Mary: Rocking time? [land begins to rise and splits into fragments] Oh, now I understand.
 * Patrick: Well this isn't so bad. [leans back onto land] We're riding in comfort.
 * SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick. I could get used to this. [blinded by shining light] Woo, kind of hot up here. Wait a second. Hot! Patrick, we're headed to the surface. We have to get down from here before we end up on the menu for seagulls.
 * Mary: Look guys. The rocks are aligned diagonally, and the last one leads down to the surface.
 * SpongeBob: But the rocks are way to hot to step on because we're so close to the surface. Not to mention that the soles of my shoes are burning away. [alternates feet due to hotness of rock]
 * Patrick: Does someone else smell bacon?
 * Mary: I may be able to spray the rocks cold with my water. [uses water from spout to spray the rocks until they are cold] Okay, guys. Hop onto the rocks before they heat again.
 * [the gang hop down the rocks]
 * SpongeBob: I can't see. The heat from the rocks and the cool from the water kicked up steam. It's blocking our view from getting to the bottom of the rocks.
 * Mary: I can't see either, guys. But I best be careful, for one little slip, and I could...[slips on rock] FALL!!!
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: Mary!!!
 * Gary: Meow!!!
 * SpongeBob: Come on, guys. Let's get down the rocks while we still have a chance.
 * [Gang makes it down to the surface and the steam has cleared up]
 * Patrick: We made it, and we made it out unscathed.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah. [rock enters SpongeBob yet SpongeBob shoots rock out into the air] Where did that come from?
 * Voice: From over here, Sponge Breath.
 * [camera pans to reveal Monster, holding the sea rock and the mob with their weapons]
 * Monster: I'm back, and I brought some friends with me.
 * Squidward: Time to take you three down for good this time.
 * SpongeBob: [absorbs snow] You try it!
 * Monster: Fine. Have it your way. Mob, weapons up!!!
 * [mob raises their hands with the sea rock and the monster does the same]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, get some snow ready. Gary, ready your slime.
 * [Patrick builds up some dust and the dust reveals an igloo filled with snow ammo]
 * [Gary stands tall, waiting for the battle call]
 * Monster: Wait! Look!
 * [All look at Santa, completely drained of his energy and it is all in the guarded chamber]
 * SpongeBob: That's it! Patrick, keep me guarded. Gary, do the same. I'm going in! [runs toward mob and Monster]
 * Monster: Fire!!!
 * [the mob fires all of their sea rock at SpongeBob, only for him to absorb it all]
 * SpongeBob: Now which one do you want me to fire at you first? Snow or sea rock.
 * Monster: I'm think neither.
 * SpongeBob: Hey, that's what I was thinking! [turns around and fires rock at chamber, scaring away the polar bears] Bullseye!
 * [Santa's magic flows into SpongeBob]
 * Patrick: Whoa, SpongeBob has become the real Santa Swordfish!
 * SpongeBob: [becomes magically dressed with a red suit and hat] Now who else has space for dessert?
 * Monster: Well...um...I kind of had some key lime pie, so...
 * SpongeBob: I think you have room for seconds. [fires magic beam at Santa's ball, allowing him to be free, and then uses Santa's magic to pull the Monster into the ball and then restores it]
 * Patrick: There's the reverse switch!
 * SpongeBob: Got it! [shoots Santa's magic back into Santa and then presses the reverse button, putting the sucked out powers into the Monster, weakening him]
 * Squidward: Now we have no leader!
 * Voice: Oh yes you do! [Mary rises from the side of the cliff using her water powers and lands on the surface] Because you're about to get owned by me!
 * SpongeBob: Mary?!
 * Gary: Meow meow meow?
 * Mary: It turns out that when I sprayed the snow away with my water, it melted the snow and the water made a river at the bottom of the cliff, saving me. And then I used the water to...well, you know the rest. Now, time to get rid of these no do-gooders. [sprays water on mob so that they falls on the rocks, now lowering to the ground]
 * SpongeBob: How are the rocks lowering on to the ground?
 * Mary: The reverse button you pressed not only reversed Santa's energy, but it reversed everything in this area, so I had to get up the cliff quickly before all of the water washed away.
 * Patrick: But if it reverses everything, then...[takes out remote] No, no, no! The remote's back broken again. How are we going to get back to Bikini Bottom now?
 * Mary: Doesn't matter now.
 * SpongeBob: What do you...?
 * Mary: Plankton, would you please explain something to our slow readers?
 * Plankton: Gladly. As you can see, obviously now, that Mary hates the holidays, as I do as well. So, we teamed up and wanted to get rid of all of the people that do not hate the holidays, which include you two goody goodies and the mob over there. Before the mob, Santa gave all of you great presents. A reclining chair. A spatula. A clarinet. But then, poof, they all turn to sea rock. But Santa did not do it. I did! Well, with a little help from Mary here. The flash blinded the unsuspecting victims, causing them not to see what happened as they were blinded. Mary's water temperature can change in her body, and when super heated, all objects turned into sea rock. Mary sprayed the extremely heated water onto the objects, causing them to mold and split apart, turning it into an alternate version of sea rock.
 * Mary: And now that you can't get back to Bikini Bottom, well, you have no choice after this. [presses button on the chew toy] Watch as your worst nightmare rises before your own eyes.
 * Santa: I think that you all know that you are on the naughty list, right.
 * SpongeBob: But why Patrick, Gary, and I?
 * Santa: First of all, SpongeBob, you claimed you did not remembering buying the chew toy for Gary. With Christmas, it does not matter the price, it only matters if you have been naughty...or nice. And Patrick, well you almost used immoderate language with Gary here. Gary, you neglected to spend quality time with SpongeBob. Mob over there, you disrupted the entire meaning of Christmas by breaking out in warfare. And Mary and Plankton...well you know what you have done.
 * Robot: Must...destroy...Christmas. [hands turn into blasters of fruit cake]
 * SpongeBob: [eats a slice] Yuck, fruit cake.
 * Patrick: I thought you liked fruit cake.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, but this one has orange in it. Wait a minute. Oranges! That's it! Hey, robot! I bet you don't have lemon lime fruit cake. Or apple fruit cake!
 * [Robot shoots different varieties of fruit cakes]
 * Robot: All out of fruit cake.
 * SpongeBob: [rubs tummy] Hmm, that fruit cake sure was good. But I wish I had a glass of water.
 * Mary: I got this. [sprays water at SpongeBob]
 * SpongeBob: Now Gary!
 * Gary: Meow! [sprays snail slime into the water]
 * Robot: Must spray oranges! [sprays oranges into water-snail slime mixture, causing an explosion]
 * SpongeBob: Ah, the lights are so pretty.
 * Patrick: I may not be the sharpest pillow on the bed, but, how exactly do oranges cause an explosion with snail slime.
 * SpongeBob: Well, you see. Water chemicals contant acids that break down snail slime acids which causes it to be ignitable, and the oranges at as conductors of that energy, causing the energy to be spread out, causing the explosion.
 * Patrick: [falls to ground] Patrick's head spin.
 * Santa: Well, I guess I can take back what I said about you three being on the naughty list. You are now officially on the nice list.
 * Female Fish 3: But what about us?
 * Santa: Well...it is the holidays. You are all off of the naughty list as well.
 * Everyone: Hooray!
 * Santa: Except for Plankton and Mary. [zaps cage over Plankton] Now for you Mary. [zaps magic beam toward Mary]
 * Mary: Eh, I'm already on the naughty list. [sprays water onto bolt, causing an explosion knocking down Santa] This isn't the last you'll see of me! [leaps away using water spout]
 * SpongeBob: Forget about her, guys! Come on, it's the holidays. And since we're on the nice list, I think it's time to celebrate.
 * Santa: Especially with presents. [passes out presents]
 * Squidward: [unwraps present] The clarinet I received earlier.
 * Mr. Krabs: My one billion dollar bill!
 * Patrick: My reclining chair!
 * SpongeBob: My...spatula!
 * Santa: Merry Christmas everybody!
 * [episode ends]