Behind the Whale

Behind the Whale is the twenty-seventh episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the seventh episode of season two. In this episode, Pearl fails her driving test much to her sadness and sobbing. Mr. Krabs does not enjoy the sadness, and offers to tutor her to drive. Pearl turns out to be a terrible driver, and nearly sends Mr. Krabs to the hospital. To prevent from paying for a tutor, not mention medical bills, Mr. Krabs hires SpongeBob, who is cheap and free from injury. SpongeBob helps Pearl learn to drive professionally and she even passes her driving test. But will the effects last?

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Pearl Krabs
 * Eugene Krabs
 * Squidward Tentacles (cameo)
 * Mayor (debut)
 * Male Fish
 * Male Fish 2/Mr. Minnow

Transcript

 * [episode begins outside of Mr. Krabs's anchor; sobs can be heard from outside; the camera cuts to the main hallway, where we see Mr. Krabs, standing outside of Pearl's bedroom door]
 * Mr. Krabs: [sobs still heard] Ah. Come on, me darling daughter, Pearl. Tell me what's troubling you so.
 * Pearl: [halts sobbing, yet continues to whimper] No, daddy. [sniffles] I'm too busy...sobbing about it. [sobs]
 * Mr. Krabs: Pearl, I promise if you tell ol' Eugene here, you'll be sure to feel better.
 * Pearl: Are you sure you won't laugh at me?
 * Mr. Krabs: Of course not, Pearl.
 * Pearl: Are you sure that talking about it will make me feel better?
 * Mr. Krabs: Yes, Pearl. I'm positive. Now come out of that room.
 * Pearl: [sobs; opens door] Okay. I'm out, daddy. Now what?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well...tell me what happened. What's making me beloved daughter so upset?
 * Pearl: [sniffles] Oh, nothing. [sniffles] It's just that...daddy, I failed my driver's exam. [holds up form with "Failed" written on it]
 * Mr. Krabs: [holding in laugh; laughs hysterically] Failed your driver's exam?! [rolls on ground] You're crying your eyes out and snibbling over something as harmless as a driver's exam?! [continues hysterical laughing]
 * Pearl: [stops Mr. Krabs from rolling with foot] Daddy, this is serious!
 * Mr. Krabs: [stops laughing] It is? [stands up] I mean...of course it is! [laughs nervously] So...why is it important, again?
 * Pearl: [sighs] Daddy, keep up. If I don't pass my driver's exam, then my friend Darla won't invite me to her beach party. And if I don't get invited to her beach party, then I won't be able to show off my breaching moves to everybody. And if I don't do that, then I won't get discovered by a promotion agent that could possibly be there. And if I don't do that, I won't be an ocean-renowned breaching gymnast, all because I didn't pass my driver's exam.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, that's a little far-fetched, don't you think?
 * Pearl: Daddy, you have to help me. I won't become famous unless I pass this very exam.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, I guess I could squeeze in a few hours on the weekends...and who wants to pay all of those nonsense fees for a tutor... so sure, me Pearl. I'll teach you how to boat.
 * Pearl: [squeezes Mr. Krabs] Oh, thank you, daddy!
 * Mr. Krabs: [muffled] You're welcome, sweetie.
 * [scene cuts to the driveway of Mr. Krabs's anchor; Mr. Krabs and Pearl are buckled up; Pearl is behind the wheel]
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, Pearl. All you have to do is drive us from here to the Krusty Krab.
 * Pearl: Can do, daddy. [laughs] I'm just so excited.
 * Mr. Krabs: Me too. I'm going to see me darling daughter drive for the first time...and I'm a witness. [sighs] So, let's see how you do. What do you do first, Pearl?
 * Pearl: I know this. First, you make sure that you're buckled up. [tries to look down, yet her nose hits the horn] How do I do this? Daddy, could you...?
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you're buckled up, Pearl. What's the next step?
 * Pearl: To start the ignition. [presses button, causing car to start]
 * Mr. Krabs: Great, and the final step?
 * Pearl: Daddy, do I have to? I feel too nervous to drive. Is being famous really worth it?
 * Mr. Krabs: Sure it is. When you're famous you get lots of clams.
 * Pearl: Oh. To pay for our medical bills?
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, yeah. Something like that. Just focus on the road, me Pearl.
 * Pearl: [sighs] You're right, daddy. I can do this. I can do this.
 * Mr. Krabs: Of course you can. Trust me. In thirty seconds, there still won't be a scratch on this car.
 * [screen displays a title card saying "15 seconds later"; the screen finally displays Pearl, swerving through different lanes at honking cars]
 * Mr. Krabs: Pearl! Stop this car! You were right! Being famous is not worth it.
 * Pearl: I got this, dad. I got this. [swerves into next lane] Just give me another second.
 * Mr. Krabs: Will I survive that long? [hops into back of the car] Just tell me when this nightmare is over!
 * [screen cuts to a title card displaying "4 seconds later"; the screen cuts back to Pearl, who has now crashed into a lamppost]
 * Mr. Krabs: No! Not me precious daughter! [begins crying] Why?!
 * Pearl: But, dad. I'm fine! [looks down] And...you meant the boat, right?
 * Mr. Krabs: You didn't? [sobs loudly]
 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's house; Pearl and Mr. Krabs are walking into the house]
 * Pearl: So, how do you think I did, daddy? [hops in place]
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, uh...I haven't thought about it. [coughs] So, why don't you go to your room and let me think, me Pearl. [pushes Pearl to stairwell]
 * Pearl: Okay, daddy. [runs up stairwell, laughing] I can't wait for Darla to hear this.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, this is terrible. [sits on seat] How am I going to break it to Pearl that her driving is hideous?...not to mention deadly. [rubs back of neck] Where am I going to find someone to teach her and keep them alive? I need someone that can take a crash and be able to teach someone. But who? [gets idea] I got it!
 * [scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab dining area]
 * SpongeBob: [mopping the floor] See you later, spot number one hundred fifty six. [mops over drink spill] Sayonara Diet Dr. Kelp spill number twenty five. [begins waxing over crack in the floor] A riva derchi crack number...well...one.
 * Squidward: [lying in register, reading magazine; looks up at SpongeBob] How in the sea does SpongeBob remember all of these statistics? There's probably something wrong with him.
 * SpongeBob: [appears next to register, startling Squidward] En contrare reply number fifty two, my fair squid. I just file all of the spills, refills, and ice cube chills in my brain. [takes out brain] You can borrow it sometimes.
 * Squidward: [sighs] It would be nice if it could function.
 * Brain: The y-intercept form of a line with a slope of three will come out to be y = 3x.
 * SpongeBob: En contrare reply number fifty three, Squidward. It, as you heard, can function. [places brain back into head]
 * Mr. Krabs: [offscreen; camera pans to office door] SpongeBob! I need you in me office for a short spurt. [closes door]
 * SpongeBob: Time to attend meeting number thirty...
 * Squidward: [picks up SpongeBob; throws him toward office] Go!
 * SpongeBob: [flying through air] "Go!" throw number sixty...[crashes through office door; in pain] two. [head falls to ground]
 * Mr. Krabs: [picks up SpongeBob] Get up, boy. This is serious. I need you to help me with one of me personal affairs...again.
 * SpongeBob: [salutes] The twenty-third again, sir.
 * Mr. Krabs: [sighs] Yes. The twenty-third again. But this one is the most important one, me boy. And don't remind me that that's the twenty-second time I've said that. This one isn't for me. This is for me beloved daughter Pearl.
 * SpongeBob: What's the matter, sir?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, she failed her driver's test and...well...I can see why. I need [points to SpongeBob] you to teach me daughter how to drive so she can become famous.
 * SpongeBob: Become famous, sir? How?
 * Mr. Krabs: It's complicated. But what do you say? Will you teach me daughter Pearl to drive down the open road?
 * SpongeBob: [salutes] Yes, sir. I'll teach Pearl to drive so well, she'll be...uh...the best driver in the entire ocean!
 * Mr. Krabs: That's great. But there's one thing: I'm the best driver in the ocean...[holds up plaque] as it says here. Make sure she becomes worthy of this, me boy. Because if she crashes just once, you're the chef's special.
 * SpongeBob: More fearfully...yes, sir!
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, hurry along, boy. [pushes SpongeBob toward the dining area] We have a long afternoon ahead of us.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, but I still have to work.
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, boy. I'll dock your pay.
 * SpongeBob: Great! [runs out of office, happily]
 * [scene cuts to Bikini Bottom High; Pearl is exiting the school as the bell rings]
 * Darla: [walks out after Pearl] Wait a minute, Pearl. So, tell me. Is that your super-cool boat down there?
 * Pearl: [looks at boat] Yeah.
 * Darla: Are those leather seats in there?
 * Pearl: Yeah.
 * Darla: And is that your yellow driving assistant in there?
 * Pearl: Yeah. Wait?! What?! [looks at SpongeBob in the car] I mean...oh no. [walks to car] SpongeBob! What are you doing here?!
 * SpongeBob: [holding clipboard] One thing and for one thing only, my whale: to help you learn to drive.
 * Pearl: Well...fine. [gets into car] But when I get us home, you're hopping out of this car pronto, comprendo?
 * SpongeBob: Entiendido mi ballena. Now, let's get...conducción.
 * [Pearl steps on the gas pedal; Pearl continuously crashes]
 * SpongeBob: [looking down at clipboard; bounces around in car] Um hmm. Um hmm. Go on.
 * Pearl: Don't worry. I got this! [turns into different lanes, swerving; hits a street sign] Oops. Uh oh. [hits a fire hydrant] That fire hydrant was old anyways.
 * SpongeBob: [writes] Hmm. Continue.
 * [car is now airborne; car crashes into side of Mr. Krabs's anchor]
 * Mr. Krabs: [puts down newspaper] What in Neptune's creation is going on?!
 * Pearl: [hops out of car] SpongeBob's teaching me to drive. [looks back] So, how did I do?
 * SpongeBob: [clipboard snaps in half] Well, according to the remaining clipboard, you have some areas to improve in.
 * Pearl: [jumps up in air] Which I will do tomorrow! Yay! [runs up stairs]
 * Mr. Krabs: [runs to SpongeBob] Are you okay, me boy? Did you get hurt?
 * SpongeBob: Yes, I am, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Not you. I meant me sweet boat. [begins crying]
 * SpongeBob: How much longer do I have to keep teaching Pearl, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Until she can drive as fluently as she can breach.
 * SpongeBob: Can do, sir.
 * [scene cuts to a montage of Pearl, coming out Bikini Bottom High and running to her boat; she then drives badly and ends crashing into the side of Mr. Krabs's anchor; this montage continues until Pearl begins to drive perfectly; SpongeBob then gives her a slipped that says passed]
 * [the scene cuts to the next day at Bikini Bottom High; Pearl is walking up the stairs]
 * Pearl: [sighs] Same old school. Same old friends. [enters the school] Same old...[sees the gymnasium full of students, a stage, and loud music] gym? [walks into gym] Whoa.
 * Male Fish: Look! There she is!
 * Pearl: Who? Me?
 * Male Fish 2: [walks up to Pearl] Yes you, Pearl.
 * Pearl: Mr. Minnow? What's going on? What is this?
 * Mr. Minnow: I think the Mayor of Bikini Bottom can explain the cause. Why don't you take a seat in the VIW section: The Very Important Whale section.
 * Pearl: Really? [sits in VIW seat] Whoa. [looks at mayor] Wow. He really is here. But for what? [two male fish pick up seat and set her next to the mayor] What's going on?
 * Mayor: I would be glad to answer. [into microphone] Okay, ladies and gentlefish. Settle down. I present you Pearl Krabs!
 * Pearl: Uh...thanks, mayor. But why are you presenting me?
 * Mayor: Because, Ms. Pearl Krabs, I am bestowing upon you...the "Best Driver of the Century" award!
 * [crowd applaudes loudly]
 * Pearl: What? The Best Driver of the Century? Me? I knew I was getting good, but not this good! Say, what do I get?
 * Mayor: Oh, nothing. Except for a trophy! [holds out trophy] Take this trophy as gratitude for such driving prowess.
 * Pearl: Oh, I couldn't, mayor.
 * Mayor: No, really. Take it. This thing is heavy. You never really have time to work out when you're mayor of a city like this.
 * Pearl: Okay. [takes trophy]
 * Mayor: Not just that. You also get a "get out of school for the rest of your life" ticket. [holds out ticket] This is also kind of heavy. You write as much as I do and you wouldn't believe the muscle death you get.
 * Pearl: [takes ticket] Whoo hoo!
 * [scene cuts to Pearl, walking out of school; SpongeBob is inside of the boat, waiting for Pearl]
 * SpongeBob: So, Pearl. Ready to start driving again?
 * Pearl: Yes, SpongeBob. I am. But as the [holds up trophy] "Best Driver of the Century", I don't think I need your help anymore. [places SpongeBob on blowhole; blows SpongeBob into horizon] Finally. Alone at last. [hops into car; begins driving] SpongeBob will see. I can drive perfectly without his assistance. [phone rings] Ooh. It's Darla! [reaches in pocket for phone; car begins swerving around and around; car begins airborne; car finally crashes into Mr. Krabs's anchor, demolishing it]
 * Mr. Krabs: What in the world is she doing?!
 * SpongeBob: She was driving without my assistance. That's what. She kicked me out of the car because she was crowned the "Best Driver of the Century".
 * Pearl: I'm going to have to call you back, Darla. [hangs up phone] Dad! Dad! I drove without SpongeBob! I drove without SpongeBob!
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!
 * Pearl: [looks around] Oh. Well...I do know this. I was crowned the "Best Driver of the Century", daddy! I have the trophy to prove it. And I got this nifty "get out school for the rest of your life" ticket.
 * Mr. Krabs: Trophy?! [eyes become dollars] Give me! Give me! Give me! Where is it?
 * Pearl: In the back seat.
 * Mr. Krabs: [hops into back of seat] Wait a minute. [holds up crumpled trophy] Do you mean this trophy? The one that's been crushed because of your wreckless driving? [begins to sob]
 * Pearl: My trophy! [sobs with Mr. Krabs] Why couldn't I just have hung up on Darla earlier? She still wouldn't have given me that five hundred thousand clam bonus because of my award.
 * Mr. Krabs: What?! [sobs again]

Epilogue

 * [all of the main characters, minor characters, and recurring characters are on the scene]
 * SpongeBob: Hello there, SpongeBob Fan Wiki.
 * Sandy: As you may have read in the last of this story, Pearl became a distracted, and therefore wreckless, driver.
 * Squidward: We encourage all of you, when you are old enough, to not drive distracted.
 * Mrs. Puff: Make sure to drive your attention to the drive.
 * Pearl: Or else you'll lose the things you love. [cries with crushed trophy in hands]
 * Sandy: Yeah. Something like that.
 * SpongeBob: Only you can stop distracted driving. So remember...
 * Everyone: Drive your attention to the drive!
 * [episode ends]