A Brat for Pat

A Brat for Pat is the second short of the spin-off, Absorbent Days and the second short of season one. Patrick finds that he is becoming a loner, so SpongeBob tries to find Patrick a woman. After finding what SpongeBob thinks is the right starfish, he introduces her to Patrick. Yet, her attitude might get in the way of a few things.

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Patrick Star
 * Sasha

Transcript

 * [scene starts with Patrick, playing with a deck of cards, in his house]
 * Patrick: [holding deck of cards] Now you put down a king...or a queen. I can't remember which one. [rushes to empty seat] Actually, I think I put down this ace of clams. [runs back to first seat] Are you calling me out? [runs back to empty seat] I'm not calling you late for breakfast! [runs back to original seat] That's it! [jumps over empty seat and gets in a struggle with self]
 * SpongeBob: Uh...Patrick? Can we get back to playing Fish-tionary? You've been constantly fighting your friend for the past half hour?
 * Patrick: Oh...yeah. [stands up and brushes self off; points] We'll settle this later...like men. [walks over to SpongeBob]
 * SpongeBob: [hands Patrick a blank, white fish statue and marker] Here, Patrick. You go first.
 * Patrick: Hmmm...what should I scribble? [thinks] Ah ha! [begins sketching on the canvas]
 * SpongeBob: That's the idea, Patrick. Now, I'll put on this blindfold. [puts on blindfold] And, when you are finished drawing, I will remove said blindfold and try and guess what you have drawn.
 * Patrick: I'm finished. [looks at SpongeBob] Now how will you see my drawing with that blindfold on? I got it! [throws fish statue at SpongeBob's face] I'm a genius!
 * SpongeBob: [on floor] This game gets quite violent I see. [looks at picture of two cones crossing] It's two ice cream cones being intercrossed. Oh, Patrick, if you want ice cream, you know I keep some in the...
 * Patrick: It's not that, SpongeBob. [looks down] Recently, I have been feeling kind of lonely. I think I need someone to spend time with.
 * SpongeBob: You have me all the time. [looks closely at picture and bracelet] But, apparently, you want a lady friend. [laughs] Well, why didn't you say something? We'll find you a woman.
 * Patrick: I like what you're doing for my friend here, but what about me?
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, I am doing this for you, not your friend here.
 * Patrick: In your face, Keith! [pushes into couch] That's it! Time to settle this! [leaps on to floor, creating nose while SpongeBob makes a blank expression]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob walking in front of a female starfish]
 * [montage of introducing Patrick to female starfishes begin, only to end in failure; SpongeBob finally meets the last female starfish and begins giving her facts about Patrick]
 * SpongeBob: And my friend here likes ice cream. So what do you think?
 * Patrick: I drink my milkshakes specially.
 * Sasha: Well, he does seem...uh...charming. I'll go on a date with you one time, but you screw this up, I'll never go out with you again.
 * Patrick: Seems like fair odds.
 * SpongeBob: That wasn't the agreement. The agreement was that you go on a date with Patrick here, and if it does not go well, then you try again at some other time.
 * Sasha: [scoffs] Take it or leave it, you kitchen utensil.
 * SpongeBob: Fine. [whispers to Patrick] Make sure that you don't screw this one up, buddy. I think this one is a biter, and that is no joke.
 * Sasha: I heard that! Penny...
 * Patrick: Actually it's...
 * Sasha: Whatever. Pick me up at around nine o'clock. Be dressed in your most formal clothing. Make sure that you bring a limo. And do not fall for the next joke you receive. [puts finger on Patrick's belly]
 * Patrick: Is there something on my shirt? [looks down]
 * Sasha: [hits Patrick with finger in the face; scoffs and departs scene]
 * [scene cuts to Patrick sitting at a dinner table, snoring]
 * Sasha: Patrick, wake up!
 * Patrick: [wakes up] Well, you cannot expect me to stay awake when we are waiting this long for our dinner. The service in here stinks.
 * Sasha: Dinner came here about half an hour ago. You already ate yours, and then you ate my dinner. No wonder you're so plump.
 * Patrick: I don't think you're so much on the skinny side either, Ms. Uptight.
 * Sasha: Give me a break. This date was a total bust. I'm starving, you fell alseep, and now you're causing a scene!
 * Patrick: [in a scared tone] I think that you're doing that last part.
 * Sasha: Can it you piece of blob! I'm out of here! Thanks for ruining our date for nothing.
 * Patrick: [stands up] That's it! I am not the one who ruined our date! You're the one who had to complain about every slight detail. I was just trying to have fun. So if anyone is leaving, then it is going to be me. [begins to walk out]
 * Sasha: Wait, Patrick. Don't go. You're right. I did ruin our date. I guess I got so caught up in thinking that it was going to be a perfect date, that I guess I ruined it.
 * Patrick: [with hesitation, walks back to Sasha and places hand on back] It's okay. You know what, I feel I have room for seconds. Maybe we have our differences, but that is what embraces us together. I think we should eat, but as friends.
 * Sasha: I think so, too...[hits Patrick's shoulder, playfully]...pal.
 * [short ends with Patrick and Sasha sitting down, enjoying their dinner]