New Age Squirrel-agement

New Age Squirrel-agement is the thirty-first episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, the eleventh episode of season two, and the first episode of 2014 for Absorbent Days. In this episode, after Mr. Krabs comes down with a case of the flu, SpongeBob and Squidward are in a loss of who is going to watch over the Krusty Krab. The answer is soon answered when Mr. Krabs elects Sandy as the temporary owner. Changes and adjustments are made to the Krusty Krab under Sandy's reign, and Squidward and SpongeBob are a little skeptical toward the new management. What lengths will they go to in order to get the original cheap crab back in charge? This episode is paired with Robotic Ruckus.

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Eugene H. Krabs
 * Sandy Cheeks
 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Customer
 * Pearl Krabs (cameo; brief appearance in middle of episode)
 * Miscellaneous work men
 * Male Fish 1

Transcript

 * [episode begins in the Krusty Krab dining room; Squidward is behind the register, and SpongeBob is mopping near the tables]


 * SpongeBob: [mopping] Oh, this spot's tough. [begins mopping harder] Oh, come on. Just get on the mop.


 * [camera reveals the back of the mop handle, hitting a customer in the side of the head]


 * Squidward: Are you going to order something, sir?


 * Customer: If you only you guys had a menu.


 * Squidward: We do. Just look up.


 * Customer: I can't! [camera zooms out to reveal a brace around the customer's neck] My neck's broken!


 * Squidward: Well then, thank you for coming. [lies down and reads book]


 * Customer: [presses register button; takes out cash] I'm taking my cash elsewhere.


 * Squidward: Hey, that's my paycheck!


 * SpongeBob: [walks into scene] Hey, Squidward, how come customers keep leaving everytime I mop?


 * Squidward: [thought bubble sprouts from head, showing SpongeBob's mop handle hitting miscellaneous customers in the head] No idea.


 * [a loud sneeze emerges from Mr. Krabs's office]


 * SpongeBob: Do you hear that?


 * Squidward: The question should be more of "did I hear that".


 * SpongeBob: It sounds like Mr. Krabs's sneeze.


 * Squidward: How did you know it was Mr. Krabs?


 * SpongeBob: Well, then, there's only one thing to do.


 * Squidward: Go see why Mr. Krabs is sneezing?


 * SpongeBob: [seen lowering the sanitation rating to a "C"] Oh, that works too.


 * [both walk into Mr. Krabs's office]


 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we could hear you sneezing from the dining area. What's the matter?


 * Mr. Krabs: [with thermometer in mouth, therefore sounding muffled] Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. Just a little cold.


 * SpongeBob: A little what?


 * Mr. Krabs: A little cold.


 * Squidward: I think he's trying to say...


 * SpongeBob: Don't interrupt, Squidward.


 * Mr. Krabs: Cold!


 * Squidward: He's trying to say...


 * Mr. Krabs: [takes out thermometer] Cold!


 * Squidward: Once again, blatantly ignored.


 * SpongeBob: A cold? Sir, this is terrible. With a cold in the Krusty Krab, it's a breeding ground for disease. Haven't you seen the sanitation rating? [takes out sanitation rating sign]


 * Squidward: Shut it. [throws away sign]


 * SpongeBob: You know what this means, sir. You'll have to...miss a day of work! [faints]


 * Squidward: Oh, brother.


 * Mr. Krabs: Miss a day of work? Eh, doesn't sound too bad. But then I wouldn't be here to stop any of the wrongdoers in the Krusty Krab. Ugh. How can you live with yourself without leaving a tip?! Besides, I'm as healthy as ever! [sneezes on Squidward, leaving him in a large coat of snot]


 * Squidward: [turns to SpongeBob] Well, he sure has the same hygiene as before.


 * Mr. Krabs: Perhaps I should take a day of respite. But who's going to run the Krusty Krab while I'm out?


 * SpongeBob: Hmm. Good question. Good question. But the answer?


 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know. That's why I'm asking you two blunderers!


 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, standing next to Squidward, inside the register boat]


 * Squidward: Looks like Old Man Krabs is out of the restaurant. It's about time.


 * SpongeBob: That's true for now, but who's going to be in charge.


 * Squidward: Well, I'm surely not going to do it. I have better things to do with my time.


 * SpongeBob: Like taking orders behind a register boat?


 * Squidward: You've got to get the pay somehow, man. Or, minimum wage, to be accurate.


 * SpongeBob: Well, I'm not you. [spins around and shirt and pants turn into a suit] I shall take this rust bucket to new heights and make it better than its peak!


 * Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager?


 * SpongeBob: I can't handle the pressure! [faints]


 * Squidward: So much for new age management.


 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's office, which is dark]


 * Mr. Krabs: [looks out circular window] Okay. They're occupied. So, are you sure you can do this?


 * Sandy: [offscreen] Would you really want either of those two to run this place for you?


 * Mr. Krabs: Well, no. But when you get squi...I mean...squids and squirrels, they...uh...tend to...


 * Sandy: Yeah, yeah. I don't need your talk. I can take care of this place anytime, anywhere. [jumps into Mr. Krabs's chair]


 * Mr. Krabs: Never thought that I would see a squirrel in my office chair.


 * Sandy: Well, I'm here until you get better, so get used to it.


 * Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Nope. Don't think I will. [throws Sandy out of seat; sits in her place] That's better. [sneezes, launching him out of scene]


 * [camera reveals Mr. Krabs and Sandy, both lying in the carnage of broken objects they were launched in to]


 * Sandy: Can we get on with the interview now?


 * Mr. Krabs: [crawls out of rubble] Sure. [walks behind the desk; Sandy sits in a seat on the opposite side] So, what are some of your credentials?


 * Sandy: Well, I'm a graduate of the Bikini Bottom School of Latter Business, I have a Major-Minor Degree in Business Administration...


 * Mr. Krabs: Major-Minor? How does that work?


 * Sandy: It's a quite short story, but I can tell you don't want to hear it.


 * Mr. Krabs: You're right. Well, I need someone to look after the place, so you're hired until I get back.


 * Sandy: So, you're making me the temporary overlord?


 * Mr. Krabs: No, I'm making you temporary owner.


 * Sandy: Proprieter.


 * Mr. Krabs: Lady owner.


 * Sandy: Supreme businesswoman overload!


 * Mr. Krabs: Owner.


 * Sandy: Deal.


 * [scene cuts to the dining area]


 * SpongeBob: Hey, guess what, Squidward. Rumour has it that Mr. Krabs has found a replacement!


 * Squidward: Who or what in the ocean told you that?


 * SpongeBob: It was a sign.


 * Squidward: A sign from what?


 * SpongeBob: No. A literal sign. [points to a sign on Mr. Krabs's office door, which reads "NEW MANAGER FOUND! KEEP OUT!"] Apparently, the new manager wants to be left alone.


 * Squidward: I wonder what kind of loner wants to be the owner of the Krusty Krab.


 * SpongeBob: Well, can't wait to meet him.


 * Sandy: [offscreen] Him? [the office door opens, revealing Sandy in a business suit] Try her.


 * SpongeBob: Sandy, you're in charge?


 * Sandy: At least until Mr. Krabs gets back.


 * Squidward: Oh great, he's coming back. In addition to that, a squirrel is running the place.


 * Sandy: Heared that. Anyway, let's get back to work. The lunch rush is neigh! [walks back to office]


 * Squidward: The lunch rush is four hours from now.


 * [scene cuts to a montage of Sandy, redecorating the Krusty Krab and making miscellaneous changes]


 * Sandy: [places a doormat in front of the kitchen door] There we go.


 * Squidward: May I ask why?


 * Sandy: Because it makes the kitchen seem more inviting and not like the grease trap it really is.


 * Squidward: The only person that ever goes in there is SpongeBob.


 * Sandy: Thanks for the degenerative criticism, Tentacles.


 * SpongeBob: [walks out with tray] Order... [trips on mat] Whup! [food contents fall to the floor]


 * Squidward: Forgot to take off the packaging tape, huh?


 * Sandy: Get back to work.


 * [scene cuts to the rest of the montage, where Sandy is now inside of the restroom, making an adjustment to the toilet]


 * Sandy: [places coating onto toilet cover] And there we go. All nice and fitted, and now the perfect bathroom stall! [camera reveals the entire stall, with the walls coated with red velvet; the floors are carpeted, and the toilet is gilded]


 * Customer: [offscreen; knocks on door] Can I finish up now?


 * [montage ends; scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's office, where Sandy is sitting on one side of the desk and Squidward on the other]


 * Sandy: I think we all know why I called you in here, Mr. Squidward.


 * SpongeBob: [standing in corner] I don't.


 * Sandy: [to SpongeBob] Hush! [to Squidward] I have called you in here because I don't think you're treating the customers with much respect.


 * Squidward: So I refused to serve a customer because they passed my "You-Can't-Stand-At-The-Register-For-More-Than-5-Minutes" rule. So what?


 * Sandy: So, that's not fair to the clientele.


 * Squidward: Clintele?


 * Sandy: Yes, clintele. You know, the customers. The driving force of the Krusty Krab.


 * Squidward: Aren't you the driving force of this rust bucket? And it's even hard to say. Cli-en-tele.


 * Sandy: Do you give two shrimps, Squidward?


 * Squidward: One on a good day.


 * Sandy and Squidward: [sigh] This isn't going to work.


 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, taking Squidward's place in the seat]


 * Sandy: So, SpongeBob, I think you know why I called you in here.


 * SpongeBob: No. You never told me. You just asked me to stand in the corner during Squidward's interview.


 * Sandy: Eh, cla-may-to cla-maht-o. I called you in here because, opposite Squidward, you show too much respect to the customers.


 * SpongeBob: I thought it was clientele.


 * Sandy: Either way! You can't...well...do this to the customers every time they get a Krabby Patty. [plays clip on computer]


 * SpongeBob: [on clip] Here is your patty, sir. [places patty on table]


 * Customer: Why thank you.


 * SpongeBob: [sits down] Continue.


 * Customer: What are you doing? You're creeping me out.


 * [Sandy stops clip]


 * Sandy: Yes, SpongeBob. What were you doing?


 * SpongeBob: I was watching the customer eat, so I could see the fantastic voyage of the Krabby Patty from its platter into the customer's belly.


 * Sandy: [holds back vomit in mouth] Get out of my office. We're done here. [runs out of scene]


 * [scene cuts to a closet in the Krusty Krab, where Squidward and SpongeBob are gathered]


 * Squidward: You know why I called you in here, don't you SpongeBob?


 * SpongeBob: Whoa. That's the third time I've heard that phrase today.


 * Squidward: Focus. I called you in here because we need that deranged squirrel out of here and our lunatic crab back.


 * SpongeBob: I guess you're referring to...


 * Squidward: Yes, of course I am! Now, here's the plan. [pulls up board]


 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's room in his anchor; he lying in his hammick bed with a thermometer in his mouth]


 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, nurse. Please help me. I feel like I'm about to bite it any second.


 * Pearl: I'm not your nurse, dad. And stop the exaggerating! You're fine. I'm going to Julie's house. [walks out of room]


 * Mr. Krabs: Daughters. Ah. Ah. Ah-CRAB! [sneezes] Where's the nurse that I paid for. I mean appointed. No, I mean paid for!


 * Squidward: [behind door frame] Show time. [places mask over mouth; walks into room; extremely quickly] Hello there, Mr. Eugene. I am the nurse that you appointed. How can I help you today? No help. Okay, thanks. What seems to be the problem?


 * Mr. Krabs: Uh...I have a fever and my nose is stuffed.


 * Squidward: Sounds like a case of the flu. There's your diagnosis. I should be going now.


 * Mr. Krabs: No. Wait! Don't you have a flu shot. Anything?


 * Squidward: Uh...well...I...uh. Those things don't really work. It's your body that does the work. But if you want to get well sooner, I suggest finding the nearest squirrel you know, and take her place as manager.


 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, excuse me.


 * Squidward: You heard me, you...! I mean, yes. Do what I said, and I'm not writing it down.


 * Mr. Krabs: Why not?


 * Squidward: Because I don't feel like it!


 * Mr. Krabs: You sound just like Squidward back at the Krusty Krab.


 * Squidward: Well, why should he waste his talents at that rust bucket anywho?!


 * Mr. Krabs: You have to be the most irritating nurse I've had in my life.


 * Squidward: Well then, you'll hate this! [rolls the hammick up, trapping Mr. Krabs inside; throws the bag out of the window] Follow my orders! [mutters while walking out of the room]


 * Mr. Krabs: [revealed to be unscathed] Huh. I'm perfectly fine.


 * Pearl: [camera reveals Pearl, under Mr. Krabs] That's because you fell on me, dad.


 * Mr. Krabs: If it helps, I hurt my rear end when I landed.


 * [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab dining room, where Squidward runs in]


 * SpongeBob: [behind register] How may I help you, ma'am?


 * Squidward: [looks down at nurse coat] What? No! I'm Squidward. [takes off mask and coat] I think I persuaded Mr. Krabs to come back. How's your campaign going?


 * SpongeBob: Better than you think.


 * [two robot hands extend from the ceiling; one grabs Squidward by the back of his shirt; the other one spanks him five times]


 * Speaker: [comes on after the spanking] Involuntary violence sponsered by Sandy Cheeks, temporary owner of the Krusty Krab.


 * Squidward: [rubs buttocks] Well, it surely is effective.


 * SpongeBob: Isn't it. About half of the customers have left.


 * Squidward: And the other half...


 * SpongeBob: Have found it quite relaxing.


 * [camera reveals a customer, being spanked by the robot hand and seemingly enjoying it]


 * Squidward: And I work here. With these two things, Mr. Krabs should be back soon, and then, we can go back to our usual brand of misery!


 * SpongeBob: Yeah! I think.


 * Sandy: [storms into dining area] What...is...this?! I've been...replaced?!


 * Squidward: [acting surprised] Replaced?


 * SpongeBob: Well, yeah, replaced. Remember, we got Mr. Krabs to take her place and...


 * Squidward: [covers SpongeBob's mouth] Why me?


 * Sandy: What?!


 * Mr. Krabs: [offscreen] That's right! [camera reveals Mr. Krabs, holding a thermometer in his mouth] I'm back.


 * Sandy: You're what?


 * Mr. Krabs: Back!


 * Squidward: He's saying...!


 * Mr. Krabs: [takes out thermometer] Back!


 * Squidward: Once again.


 * Mr. Krabs: And I'm back to take you down!


 * Sandy: Bring it on! It's time to...business duel!


 * [scene cuts to montage of Mr. Krabs and Sandy, attempting to gain the respect of customers, only to ruin each other's plans]


 * SpongeBob: I'd say it's a draw. What say you, Squidward? Squidward?


 * Squidward: [shaking a bucket upside down] Great. I'm out of popcorn!


 * SpongeBob: You two, stop this! Why are you business dueling?


 * Sandy: Because I have to prove that I am a better business owner than him!


 * Mr. Krabs: Ditto, but with a her at the end.


 * Customer: That's it! I've been here all day with a broken neck, dealing with annoying cashiers, creepy sponges, bathroom disruptions, the list goes on! All I want is another Krabby Patty, hold my head up high, and leave! [holds head up] Ugh. My neck. I can't move my head. [falls to the floor]


 * Mr. Krabs: Oh no. Not him! Anyone but him! [pushes Customer off of Krabby Patty] I'll save you, little one. [blows up Krabby Patty trying to perform CPR; Krabby Patty deflates] Whoo. That was close.


 * [the entire crowd of customers run up and cheer; the Mayor enters and hands Mr. Krabs a trophy]


 * Mayor: Mr. Krabs, you have saved the life of your best product. You may have anything you want! Anything at all!


 * Mr. Krabs: [looks back at Sandy] Hmm. Anything?


 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's office; Mr. Krabs is wearing a shirt that says "PERMANENT OWNER"; Sandy and other male fish are taking down Sandy's decorations; Squidward and SpongeBob are rubbing Mr. Krabs's feet]


 * Mr. Krabs: [to male fish helpers] Hey, men! Take five.


 * Male Fish 1: Can do, boss. [male fish follow Male Fish 1 out of the office]


 * Sandy: Oh come on! What did we do to deserve this?


 * Mr. Krabs: [points to Sandy] You decorated me office with your girly fashion, over-extended your powers beyond what I allowed you, and sat in me beloved chair! [points to Squidward] You disrespected me clintele...


 * Sandy: See?


 * Mr. Krabs: ...and were a terrible nurse, not to mention tieing me up and throwing me out of the window! Yes, I knew. [points to SpongeBob] And you! [thinks] Well, you did create a spanking machine, but that did heal my sore bottom from falling on Pearl. But you rub feet good! Continue!


 * SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs.


 * Mr. Krabs: I think we've all learned a lesson today, ladies and gents.


 * Squidward: That customer service and business administration is overrated.


 * Mr. Krabs: No. Never hire a squirrel with a Major-Minor in business administrator.


 * Sandy: It's a short story! I could tell it now!


 * [Mr. Krabs lets out a violent sneeze, imploding the Krusty Krab]


 * Sandy: I'll take that as a "no".


 * [episode ends]

Trivia

 * This is the first episode of the series where someone other than Mr. Krabs is running the Krusty Krab. In this case, it is Sandy.
 * This is the first Absorbent Days episode of 2014.

Character Revelations

 * Sandy's credentials are revealed in this episode