The Chum Mystery

The Chum Mystery is the fourth short of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the first short of season two. In this short, Plankton, distraught about how no one is buying chum, attempts to seek comfort from the amount of chum in the storage in the back. Yet, the only thing he finds is a bunch of emptiness. His chum has been stolen! Yet, who could have done this?

Transcript

 * [short begins with a medium shot of the Chum Bucket; camera gradually pans into the dining area and stops at the exit doors of the laboratory; Plankton barges through them; camera cuts to a long shot of the dining area]
 * Plankton: [camera cuts to a short-shot of Plankton, lying on a dining table] Will these things always be empty? [rubs table] Sanitized, yet no food to dirty it? [stands up] I've spent thousands of dollars on all of these tables combined, yet my tables just stand around here without a plate or tray to comfort them.
 * Karen: [rolls into dining area] Plankton, stop acting like you don't know.
 * Plankton: [looks at Karen with tears in his eyes] Know what?
 * Karen: The only reason people don't dine here is because of the [coughs and lifts plate of chum] fare that is served here.
 * Plankton: [hops from table; angrily] Oh, I know! Why does Bikini Bottom have to be so picky?! It's not like chum is going to kill them or something.
 * Karen: Actually...
 * Plankton: [facepalming; walks to back of Chum Bucket] Don't say it! Failure after failure after hideous failure, I've never been able to even sell one ounce of chum! [opens back doors] All I have is this wide stock of chum to abide as evidence. [eyes widen at empty room] What?! [looks around] This can't be! [shuts doors] Karen, come quick!
 * Karen: [uninterestedly] You've only programmed me to go at three miles an hour, dear. Why are you needing me to suddenly speed?
 * Plankton: [opens doors] Look for yourself!
 * Karen: What am I looking at?
 * Plankton: Emptiness, Karen. Emptiness, I tell you!
 * Karen: Do I need to call the psychiatrist again?
 * Plankton: You don't get it, do you?! [points to large, empty room] This room used to hold twenty-thousand whole pounds of chum, Karen. [looks around worriedly] Where could it have all gone?!
 * Karen: I wouldn't hire a detective if I were you. We've already lost who knows how many thousand dollars worth of stock.
 * Plankton: [smiling] No need to worry. I've got someone better than a detective. Well...sort of. Better than no one, I guess. [laughs evilly; begins dialing phone]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of the dining area of the Chum Bucket]
 * SpongeBob: [looking at emptiness; looks puzzled] So...why am I looking at emptiness?
 * Plankton: [facepalms] I guess no one really does come here. [points to sign] It even says "Chum Storage Department"! This used to hold a whoping amount of chum, but now, it's all gone.
 * SpongeBob: So what do you want me to do about it?
 * Plankton: Investigate, my dear lad. [hops onto SpongeBob's head] Investigate like you've never investigated before! [evilly laughs]
 * SpongeBob: [thinking face; normal face] Can we have a cool name for this investigation. It makes it sound more intriguing.
 * Plankton: [to self] If it helps you get closer to getting me inventory back...[thinks] Fine. You can call this thing the..."Mystery of the Stolen Chum".
 * SpongeBob: Ooh. [interested] I wonder how many brain cells it took to...
 * Plankton: Yeah yeah. You have your orders! [points to door] Get out! [SpongeBob runs toward door, causing Plankton to slip]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of his house]
 * SpongeBob: Hmm. Where to investigate first. [looks around] There must be thousands to look at first. [takes snail food out of cabinet; opens up bag] Come and get it, Gary! [looks inside bag] What is this stuff on the snail food?
 * Gary: [slithers into scene; obviously hungry] Meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: Hungry, Gary? [pours food into bowl] Eat up. [as Gary approaches, SpongeBob stops Gary] Wait! Maybe you could wait a minute to tell me what this is on your food.
 * Gary: [confused] Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Could this possibly be chum, Gary? Huh? You always were a bottom-feeder.
 * Gary: [defensively] Meow meow meow!
 * SpongeBob: Another look at the box? [looks at box] Slug Products Inc., now with an added pinch of [in a failed tone] fudge. Okay, you're clean, Gary. [thinking face] Then, who would do this sort of thing?
 * [scene cuts to Sandy's treedome, where SpongeBob is about to knock on the door]
 * SpongeBob: [looks in through glass and sees machine] Just as I suspected. [knocks on door]
 * Sandy: [answers door] Oh. Why, hello, SpongeBob!
 * SpongeBob: No time for hellos, Sandy. [walks into treedome] I'm here to investigate. [looks at machine] A pretty good machine you have here. [looks at exhaust fan] Looks like it takes a lot of...fossil fuels.
 * Sandy: Well, actually...
 * SpongeBob: Ah ha! What kind of fuel does this thing take, Sandy?! Does it possibly take a substance called...chum...to fuel such a machine?
 * Sandy: Chum?! What would I want with chum? The only fuel I use is [opens machine door] a pure electricity!
 * SpongeBob: Not you either, huh? Who else would do such a thing?
 * [scene cuts to Squidward's house, where SpongeBob is clung to the second-story window, looking at Squidward's clarinet]
 * SpongeBob: I may have been waiting here for three whole minutes, but I have to wait for Squidward to touch that clarinet for me to get a chance. [looks around] Ooh. Here he comes! [ducks]
 * Squidward: [walks into room] Da da lee, da da loo, da duh dum. [begins humming] Time to express my beautiful music to this wasteland once again. [grabs clarinet]
 * SpongeBob: [busts into window] Wait! [grabs clarinet] What do you have in this instrument, Squidward?
 * Squidward: In the instrument?!
 * SpongeBob: [takes clarinet apart] As in cork! What do you have as the cork? Possibly chum?! [looks at actual cork] Oh. [laughs nervously] I guess you didn't steal any chum, eh, Squidward? [Squidward turns SpongeBob around; proceeds to kick SpongeBob out of the window]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of the kitchen of the Krusty Krab]
 * SpongeBob: It just doesn't make sense. Who could have stolen the chum?
 * Mr. Krabs: [looks into kitchen] SpongeBob! Remember you only have ten more minutes for lunch.
 * SpongeBob: [sadly places spatula to head] Aye, Mr. Krabs. [continues to flip patties with spatula; spatula leaves print on SpongeBob's head; flips patty onto bun] Who would want twenty-thousand whole pounds of chum? [sits down at dining table; takes out patty] I guess we'll never know. [takes bite out of patty; coughs] Yuck! What is that horrible taste?! [looks at patty and sees chum] The chum!
 * Customers: [in unison] Chum?! [all customers run out, screaming]
 * Mr. Krabs: [comes out of office, cheering] Whoo hoo! Yes! Finally!
 * SpongeBob: Finally? Mr. Krabs. What's going on?
 * Mr. Krabs: The chum, me boy. It's the chum. It was me who stole all of the chum!
 * SpongeBob: What?! But why?
 * Mr. Krabs: As you know, SpongeBob, the Krusty Krab is always full of customers. [squints eyes] Too full, I must say. The customers never give me enough space. Why do I need this space, you ask? To roam. Roam for stray money. But with so many customers, searching for money has become pointless.
 * SpongeBob: So, you stole the chum to repel the customers from coming to the Krusty Krab. Therefore, adding to your stray-money-roaming space. [crosses arms] Well then, case closed.
 * Plankton: [offscreen] What?! [camera pans to an angry Plankton] So when I try to steal the formula, I get kicked and sued. Yet, you can just come into my restaurant and steal everything I got?! [points to Mr. Krabs] You're going to pay for this, Krabs! [smirks] Literally.
 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, behind the register, tied to a chair; Plankton is standing on the edge of the boat]
 * Mr. Krabs: [writes order ticket] One chum patty, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: [takes order ticket] One chum patty, coming up. [flips patty onto bun; pours chum onto patty]
 * Mr. Krabs: [takes money from customer; hands to Plankton] Grr...
 * Plankton: [looks at money] I love getting what I want. [looks at Mr. Krabs] Now if only I could get the formula...
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't push it!
 * [short ends]