A Polluted Lagoon

A Polluted Lagoon is the fifth short on the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the second short of season two. In this short, the Bikini Bottom News claims that Bikini Bottom is the cleanest it has been in thirty years, ever since the last oil spill, which gave rise to Ocean Day. To celebrate, SpongeBob comes over to Patrick's house, only to find that Patrick's house is covered with trash. Patrick decides to throw it all away, in spirit of Ocean Day, into Goo Lagoon, only causing the trash to, not only pollute the ocean, but the fumes place an abundance of carbon dioxide into the air. What will happen to the ocean?

Characters

 * Patrick Star
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Gary the Snail (cameos)
 * Miscellaneous Background Characters
 * News Announcers 1 and 2
 * Male Fish 1
 * Thousands of Other Fish

Transcript

 * [episode begins with a medium shot of SpongeBob's pineapple; camera gently pans inward toward SpongeBob's bedroom; SpongeBob is watching television; the news channel comes on]
 * SpongeBob: Gary! Get in here! The news is on! [news theme begins playing on television]
 * Gary: [offscreen] Meow meow? [slithers into room] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Gary. The news just came on. I know how much you like the news.
 * Gary: Meow meow ma-meow meow?
 * SpongeBob: Yes, I'm forcing you to watch the news right now. [points to television] Now watch!
 * News Announcer 1: ...And that's it for your world today.
 * News Announcer 2: No, it's not. We have one more thing to show the viewers.
 * News Announcer 1: Like what?
 * News Announcer 2: [looks at camera] Happy Ocean Day, Bikini Bottom! We, the news cast, would proudly like to announce that Bikini Bottom is the cleanest it has been in a long time.
 * News Announcer 1: Thirty years, in fact.
 * News Announcer 2: I was getting to that! [back at camera] Thirty years ago, a massive sewage spill came into our oceans. It took years to clean up such a spill, yet we did it. The day we finished came to be known as Ocean Day.
 * News Announcer 1: That's right. [at camera] And now, twenty-something years later, we are still celebrating this great holiday. And what better way than with good news?
 * News Announcer 2: We are proud to announce that Bikini Bottom is the cleanest it has been in...brace yourselves...thirty whole years!
 * News Announcer 1: Well, duh, I mean you have an oil spill thirty years ago. I would suspect thirty years later, it would be cleaner.
 * News Announcer 2: You know, you don't always have to be such a...
 * SpongeBob: [turns off television] You know what this means, huh, Gary?
 * Gary: Meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: [camera close-up of SpongeBob's face] That's right! [camera cuts out to reveal the bedroom, covered in party supplies such as balloons and party hats; SpongeBob is wearing a party hat; Gary is wearing a party hat and blows into a party blower]
 * Gary: Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Why are we celebrating? [picks up Gary] Because, Gary, today is Ocean Day! Why not celebrate?
 * Gary: Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Because you thought we were normal? [shakes head] I'd say not, little one. [puts down Gary] Fine then, party pooper. If you don't want to party with [places hand to self] moi then I guess [begins walking out door] I'll have to go to the "King of Partiers".
 * Gary: Meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: You thought I was going to Patrick? I am going to Patrick. [shuts door behind self]
 * [scene cuts to Patrick's house; the camera stays at a medium shot of Patrick as he walks around his house, spiffing up his place]
 * Patrick: [straightens photo; looks at photo] Ah. It's my daddy. [eyes lighten] Why didn't you send me off to college?! [throws picture] Oh well. Time to dust off the table. [reaches for the duster; grabs duster] Time to get dusty. [wipes duster on self, gaining dust; rubs self on counter, placing an abundance of dust on it] Perfect.
 * SpongeBob: [walks into scene] Hey, Patrick. What are you doing?
 * Patrick: Just doing some cleaning.
 * SpongeBob: Well, I hope you got it all out of you, because...
 * Patrick: It's time to party?!
 * SpongeBob: You guessed it! [presses button on wall, unleashing confetti, party hats, party blowers, and other party accessories]
 * Patrick: Why are we celebrating?
 * SpongeBob: It's Ocean Day, Patrick. We're celebrating to enjoy the clean, underwater air! [sniffs; cover nose] Eeew! Patrick's, what's that stench?!
 * Patrick: Oh. [opens closet] I think you may be referring to the stuff inside of my closet. [opens closet; a landfill of trash pours out] It hasn't been cleaned out in days.
 * SpongeBob: [waves hand near nose] Patrick, you might want to throw all of your garbage away. You know, for Ocean Day.
 * Patrick: Hmm...
 * [scene cuts to Goo Lagoon, where Patrick is hauling a large ball of trash]
 * Patrick: [grunts] Well, here we are. The Loo Galoon....or whatever it's called. [gets behind the large pile; begins pushing; grunts] Oof. This is easy...or is it hard? [begins pushing; eventually pushes the ball into the ocean] I did it!
 * SpongeBob: [walks up] You did? Where did you put all of it?
 * Patrick: [looks around] Uh...I can't remember.
 * SpongeBob: Well, at least it's all gone, right? [looks at sunset] Whoa. The sunset is beautiful today. Right over the water, it's absolutely...[gasps] polluted?! [sees a blanket of garbage over water] Patrick, what have you done?
 * Patrick: I got rid of my garbage.
 * SpongeBob: But, buddy, you can't put it in the lagoon. We need that water to drink. Not to mention the anemone down there need the sunlight to grow. [sniffs] And you're polluting the air when the anemone transpire, which puts the bad air into the atmosphere.
 * Patrick: What do we do?
 * SpongeBob: We need to clean up...before the sunset. [whistles loudly, attracting thousands of fish] To the ocean. [all fish hold up pool nets] Aaahhh! [all fish charge to the ocean]
 * [scene cuts to a montage of fish, taking the garbage out of the ocean with the pool nets]
 * SpongeBob: One last piece of trash!
 * Male Fish 1: Hurry! You only have ten seconds [holds up watch] until nightfall!
 * Patrick: That's like...three years, right? Plenty of time.
 * SpongeBob: [throws piece of trash into air] Come on! [piece of trash falls] Seven, six...[trash begins to catch fire while falling] four, three...[trash is almost in recycling bin] One! [trash misses and falls onto ground; ocean tide sucks in the trash]
 * [crowd of fish gasp; gasp turns into cheer]
 * Patrick: SpongeBob, the fish are cheering. Why?
 * SpongeBob: Well, everyone knows that Ocean Day isn't to get rid of all of the trash. It's to conserve all of the pollution. To conserve it enough so that the ocean is in balance and the sea life can survive.
 * Patrick: Sea life can survive? Oh. Then I probably shouldn't have kept this pollutant stink bomb in my pocket. [takes out bomb] Don't worry. It won't detonate as long as it doesn't come in contact with pollution. [takes out candy bar] Oooh! Chocolate! [takes out chocolate; throws wrapper away, landing on bomb; stink bomb explodes]
 * [short ends]